In the beginning...

Before one gets married, one must find the right person to marry. In Christianese we would say it's courting that special someone. The world outside of Christianity would call it dating. The reason why we have a special term is to distinguish the difference between worldly dating and Kingdom of God dating.

Courting is the idea that people are dating with the express purpose to look for a spouse. Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as to seek the affections of especially : to seek to win a pledge of marriage from.

Lesson 1:

Do not be unevenly yoked. Specifically the bible verse is found in 2 Corinthians 6:14-16, "Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness? And what accord has Christ with Belial? Or what part has a believer with an unbeliever? And what agreement has the temple of God with idols? For you are the temple of the living God..." In the context of this verse the apostle Paul is telling believers that we should not attach ourselves too closely with unbelievers. In this context, this verse is used to caution children of God from dating or marrying non-children of God. Seems pretty simple, right? For those who truly want lives dedicated to God, then you want someone who would come alongside you with the same enthusiasm. At a minimum you may get someone who will try not to hinder your spritual growth but worse case scenario you will get someone who will undermine or even resent you for your spiritual growth. There is also the fact that there is no greater level of intimacy than when you can live a life loving and worshipping Jesus with someone who thinks of Him the same way you do. Don't fall for the trap that will convince you that you can win someone over to Jesus from within a relationship. I will often also hear the "but God would want me to find love" or "this has to be a blessing from God" trick too. Bottom line is, stay focused on Jesus and you will find the right person to marry but you should not go around looking for someone to date or marry. The enemy, Satan, is a good hunter and the best way to bait a trap is to present the prey for something it is looking for.

Lesson 1.5:

Being unevenly yoked is not just for non-believers. I believe that two people can be both Christian and still unevenly yoked. In this case the person is not unevenly yoked with an non-Christian but with a Christian that may not have the same perspective on God as they do. Amos 3:3 says "Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?" Let's say, for example, that a core belief is that one must worship God on a Saturday but one person goes to a Sunday church and has deep roots in their church body. This may seem minor but can have the potential to be a big schism is the Sunday church person has to work on Saturdays or just doesn't want to go to church gatherings on a Saturday. In relationships, more to the point, God has some very strong feelings on how marriages should look.

Wives submit to your husband and husbands love your wives

Ephesians 5:21-27 says: Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is head of the wife, as also Christ is head of the church; and He is the Savior of the body. Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her, that He might sanctify and cleanse her with the washing of water by the word, that He might present her to Himself a glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she should be holy and without blemish. In Ephesians, Paul tells us that wives need to submit to their husbands just as to Jesus and husbands need to love their wives as just like Jesus loves His church. As you read that verse I am confident that you were already reviewing in your mind your idea of what that means. I'm not here to argue that. I just want to bring up that your idea of that verse's interpretation may not be shared by all people. The person that you choose to live the rest of your earthly life with should have a similar opinion on what that verse means. In this world, any person submitting (let alone a a woman submitting to a man) is like a curse phrase and unimaginable. Is the idea of a man loving a woman sacrificially mean that a man has to stay in a relationship with an abusive woman? These are the things people should really work out before they get married. There is so much suffering to be had if two people are not on the same page when they get married.

The bottom line:

Imagine you had to oxen that were yoked together, but you have one ox that wants to go left and the other wants to go right. They're not getting anywhere fast and potentially without injury. When courting a person of interest is the perfect time to end a relationship if this person is not the right person. Allow the Holy Spirit to speak to you. If He is showing you more red flags than you are comfortable with, listen to Him before you get married.

Stay Blessed Brothers and sisters in Christ.